How to Develop a Future

Nora, like all the residents, had to spend time with Margie, the counselor employed by Assurance Abode. She hated the probing questions, the picking at the emotional scabs. She did not want to share her pain.

It was not easy to talk about Alan and his abuse. Her anger at the abuse.

She found it difficult and avoided questions about Ryan and her parents. Nora bound those wounds tightly to stave off emotionally bleeding to death.

And in her pain, she wanted all discussions of Ryan to be off limits. She found herself glaring at Margie when she would try to get Nora to talk about her brother. Seeing, Nora’s anger, Margie would smile at her gently and ask another question less painful for her. The only things Nora would talk about, was their childhood. She refused any discussion of her parents’ deaths, or rapid engagement and marriage to Alan, and the strain of alienating herself from Alan.

There was such overwhelming inner pain. Nora had trouble breathing, no amount of air seemed to fill and relieve her aching lungs. Her hands shook all the time. She felt weak, refused to eat much at all. She had no interest to work on any of her crafts. Her life felt gray, foggy, as though she lived on the cliffs of Ireland in the damp, cold winter.

After a few weeks, she began to think about her future. The most important thing to her was to cut all her ties with Alan. She wanted nothing to associate her with Krueger. She want to revert to her family name, not Krueger. She was born Corcoran, would have reverted to Corcoran if divorced, and wanted no part of the Krueger name now. But she was a little surprised at how easy it was accomplished when she petitioned the court for the name change. And the name change encouraged other thoughts.

With her name changed, she felt a door open. But she needed to think about walking through the door and what that might mean. Her idea had been to divorce Alan, start a small craft business, and maybe open a small shop. She still had to do something. Maybe she could take a business course and work toward opening a small business. But her plans had so abruptly changed. She felt her jaw tighten with the thought of how her life changed.

She owned two houses which needed to be emptied, cleaned, and sold. She would never live in either even if she decided to stay in town. Eventually, she knew she would buy something else. And that property would just be hers. No other history but her own and the one she would make.