Psalm 34:18     The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Matthew 5:4     Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

     There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build

Loss can be so incredibly difficult.  OUCH!   I recently lost two very close friends and along with my tears there was anger.  Why?  In both cases I was increasingly frustrated regarding our current medical system.  For an RN who loved what I was doing, I find there are huge problems with our care and testing and promptness in determining why someone is ill.  Also, as a nurse, I know we didn’t win every battle to save each life.  Patients died in the ICU environment I primarily worked in.  As difficult as those were or cold be for the families and friends left behind, the worst seemed to be the sudden ones—a major stroke, a massive heart attack, something sudden, with little warning and no heroics able to save. 

The losses which were the easiest to deal with were the one’s when a family had been able to witness how hard the nursing and medical personnel worked to save, but after a struggle and numerous complications, death still took that person.

So as I raged and cried my grief for the loss of these giants of strength, faith, and support in my life, God let me carry on for a while.  Then quietly I was reminded He has numbered each of our days and He is in charge.  COVID did not come as a surprise to God, nor did the massive stroke who took my other friend.  Their days were numbered, predestined and although I lost two treasures, I was somehow comforted that He knew they were coming when they did.  Yes, those of us lieft behind dealt with the shock, the loss, the grief—and the anger—but God’s shoulders are big enough and compassionate enough to hold us as we cry, scream and grieve.  It’s okay.  He holds us in the palm of His hand, and understands and empathizes with our hurt, loss, and anger.  He gives us strength to deal with the pain and grief.  

I still have questions about some of this loss.  Both of these wonderful women had young grandchildren—one had an 8 year old granddaughter, and the other a 5 year old.   Who will be the loving grandmother that these little girls had with these women.  The older grandkids understand more, but they will lose so very much not having these fun and wacky women teaching them gardening, making fairy gardens, cooking, baking, making Easter eggs, buying something special for “mommy and daddy” for birthday, Christmas, or Mother’s Day or Father’s Day?   Who is going to guide them?  Who is going to be the magic, wonderful woman in their life? 

I still don’t know.  But God does.  It still pulls and yanks at and hurts my heart.  I do KNOW He’s got this, but who is going to guide these gorgeous young girls?  They need these vibrant, fun, loving women to guide them—to create hidden worlds, magic, and pique that imagination.  These women had it!!  They had imagination, they had joy, they were creative, and they wanted to introduce these young grand-girls with their imagination and how to create new worlds, new vistas….

And my heart aches they are no longer here.  But You are here.  You are steady. . . and these two beautiful girls have something else You have prepared for them.  Your workd promises, “I know the pans I have for you.” In Jeremiah.  So regardless of my hurt, loss, and concern for these beautiful girls. . . .You have this.  I  know My heart hurts.   I know You have promised that You have plans for each of us. . . You have plans for them, that means these beautiful young girls who have just lost their precious and fun grandmothers, and are hurting and wanting. . . You have a plan for them, and they will be okay.

Thank You.  You always have a plan, no matter how have messed up. You  are in control with the numbers of our days, and so forth.  Keep these precious babies hugged closely so they can healthily recover from the loss they have endured. 

Thank You, Lord.  You have a plan for each of us. . . and Thank You our plan is not matching my timeline.  Thanks for all You have done for me and ‘mybellaviews.’  Protect these beautiful girls always… I know You have special plans for them.  Heal them and remind them who their special grannies were.  They were awesomely fun ladies in my life.  Thank You for them.