My heart is heavy

Lamentations 3:31-32    For the Lord will not reject forever, for if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant loving kindness.

Psalm 34:18    The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 147:3    He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds

Matthew 5:4    Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Romans 8:18   I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.


This has been a week fraught with some sorrow, some relief, and a lot of beauty.  I love October and certainly the weather here and in eastern Tennessee has been gorgeous.   I enjoyed some quality time with a good friend and her family, did some shopping, and had safe travels, but came home to some sad news. 

My granddaughter battles with depression and anorexia.  She had been home for a couple of weeks, and was going back into the inpatient program.   This time when she got there, she fought her parents and it took an hour and a half to convince her to get out and to go into the place.  Part of the thought process for her dismay and anger this time is that a long trip is planned for Disney in November, and they will be leaving in seven weeks.  Generally, she is inpatient for at least three.  Her parents think she was frightened she would not be able to go on the trip.  When she is out of the facility, she has to “meet” with her counselors and teachers each day via ZOOM meetings from 8:30-2:30.  Certainly, nobody would want to wait for her and just hang around the hotel until she was done.  Normally, on these trips the kids run about fairly freely as long as they stay in pairs.   It seems once she received the reassurance the pan was still she would go, she buckled down and is doing well.

I learned my childhood best friend was in the hospital with COVID and not doing well with poor oxygenation and trying her on different treatments.  She initially was refusing to be intubated, but after struggling to get sufficient air in and becoming increasingly exhausted, she relented and has been intubated since Wednesday.   Thankfully, she and her family know the Lord and celebrate Him regularly, and for that, I am grateful.    Just as I finished the verses above for this, my friend’s husband contacted me that Donna had passed this afternoon, Sunday, Oct 24, 2021.

After bible study several of us went out to eat.  We are not meeting for a couple of weeks as our leader is having surgery, so we wanted a get-together before the separation.  I vaguely heard of a plane crash in the area, and although said a quick prayer for anyone to not be hurt, I was more surprised that we had an active, albeit small airport that close.  Anyway, the next morning to my dismay, I learned that one of our church members had been on that plane and had not survived.  I was familiar with this person and said hello, but never really spoken with him.  But somehow that knowledge weighed me down.  He has at least one son, multiple friends and people who care about him, and my heart ached for all those folks.   Although the heaviness stayed, I knew in part I should be thankful since I know he was welcomed into Jesus’ arms on Thursday.  And I am grateful for that.  If one has to pass from this life, even at such a young age, and so suddenly, there is a peace knowing he is in heaven.   

I wondered if that was just the last piece of breaking my peace for a day or so.  Certainly, although familiar, I did not know this man.  My heart ached at the loss; my thoughts returned to his family, and knowing one son was also onboard the plane when it crashed and had only minor injuries, thankfully.  But I can’t imagine his devastation, confusion and loss.  

I will look at the place he always stood when singing or playing his harmonica, and feel the loss.  I am thankful he was active in our church, active in one of the bands, and a believer.  My heart grieves for his family and friends, and I will keep them on my prayer list for a long time.  But I know he is home, and rejoicing with that harmonica!  It’s his family and friends I pray for.  But, we can all be thankful because he knew God!  

So, my heart is heavy this lovely October day.  I pray for my friend, (although she is now safe in the arms of our Savior, our hearts hurt)  my lovely granddaughter and for this young man who was so tragically taken, and for Bill and his family.  God has a plan and He always can make good things come from things that are not so good initially.  Prayers for these families who are under stress, discouragement, loss, and hurt.  I love and trust You, Lord.  Thank You for the knowledge I have that You are in charge and have worked for my good, even when I have messed up.  You are constant and loving and good for me and ‘mybellaviews.’