Trust in Him

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Deuteronomy 31:8     The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be distraught.

Joshua 1:9     Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

Psalm 13:1     How long, O LORD?  Will You forget me forever?  How long will You hide Your face from me?  How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?

Psalm 34:17-18     The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles.  The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Psalm 38:9-11     Lord, all my desire is before You; and my sighing is not hidden from You.  My heart pants, my strength fails me; as for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.

Psalm 42:5, 11     Why are you cast down, O my soul?  And why are you disquieted within me?  Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance. . . . .  Why are you cast down, O my soul?  And why are you disquieted within me?  Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.

Psalm 43:5     Why are you cast down, O my soul?  And why are you disquieted within me?  Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.

Psalm 55:22      Cast your burden on the LORD, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.

Psalm 143:7-8     Answer me speedily, O LORD; my spirit fails!  Do not hide Your face from me, lest I be like those who go down into the pit.

Proverbs 12: 25     Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.

Matthew 11:28     Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

John 16:33     “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world”

2 Corinthians 1:3-5     Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.

Philippians 4:6-7     Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

 

Do you ever feel rebellious, crotchety?  I have been feeling like that lately.  I am not sure why, but I am feeling grumpy, not wanting to do anything or go anywhere, and just as though I want to hibernate.  So what is going on with me?  That is not my norm, am unsure why I feel like this, refuse most invitations to do anything, and sit and read different novels, watch old TV series, and just be a veg.  This is so not my norm, and I don’t like it.    There are things I should do–finish cleaning garage, finish purging clothes I do not wear and others could certainly use, go see friends I have not seen in a while and have a good visit.  

I watch my birds in the back deck–and I have some great ones to watch–I have a lot of cardinals, red winged blackbirds, hummingbirds, and of course, my star, the painted bunting, and at least 2 females–not sure if there are three or four, but two is for certain.  I also have some ugly grackles and noisy, also ugly black crows–all which should be part of the bovine family as they can wipe out my two feeders quickly, and chase away the smaller birds with their bullying.  But between my gardens, my bird feeding areas, and the ocean and all its moods, I should have a lot to entertain me.   But although I feel thankful everyday I am fairly healthy, have great family and friends, have mostly pretty, nice and wonderful days, I am also feeling YUCK.   It is one thing to feel badly if ill, headache, received sad news, or SOMETHING, but there is nothing I can put my finger on, except . . . I don’t know.

Being sad leads to lamenting which is a form of prayer.  It can express grief, sorrow, remorse, even when you may not know the cause precisely, God knows and hears you.   Lamentations have you question God for answers, direction, and guidance.  It’s a means of asking Him for comfort.

So I am searching to see what might be bothering me.  So far the Holy Spirit is quiet–and makes me frustrated.   But I have asked if perhaps I should sell my home on the island and move closer to New Bern, even if not New Bern.  I have a lot of friends here, but family is in New Bern and in an emergency that is over an hour away.  I live in a house with three levels of stairs–a lot if ill or injured to traverse.  And, it is the last things my husband and I owned together, and shared good times at.  Maybe that is at the core of this–clinging to great family times.  I have wonderful neighbors, good friends, a church and friends at church I like–and because of my shyness, it takes me a while to settle into a new routine.  Part of me does not want to think about giving up what I enjoy here–and yes, I certainly know I cannot take it with me when I pass on to my real home. . . 

But I still have a lot of friends and social things I enjoy in New Bern and would be comfortable getting back to.  So is this restlessness, yet hopeless feeling to do with that?  I don’t know.  I have been hurt twice in the past couple of months, making all the stairs a difficulty.  Living alone, it could be a day or two before someone realizes they have not seen me–especially with rental season starting and no one knowing if I am a renter or an owner and if it is unusual for me to not be around.   So, perhaps that is what is pulling at me–a bit of pre-eminent warning that I might have  a serious accident and not be able to reach anyone.  I am NOT attached to my phone, so chances are pretty good I would not have it with me 90% of the time.   So, I am truly seeing no reason to feel like this.  I am blessed and can find only one area that I would like to see improve, and it is fine if God says ‘No, you are doing fine; that is not something I want you to have.’

And yet, He knows I am frustrated and confused as to what might be pulling me down, because certainly I have been vocal, and have also mind-pleaded–but His silence, I guess means I am to wait.  

But I am not good at waiting which I know God knows.  He created me–knows ALL my flaws, my impatience, my need for answers and a fairly quick direction to change course when needed, and yet, right now, it is SILENCE.  I don’t like hearing from Him after a couple of days of wrestling with something.  And I do know that if I am not given a good direction, I am to maintain the last course.  The difference this time, is the restlessness, tied to the indifference, the melancholy, the isolation I am preferring to being with others.   It all feels selfish when I go through it in my head–and since I am full of blessings, why am I not out there eager to be giving to others, instead of isolating, vegging and feeling YUCK?

I normally like to be active, and with this pall, am feeling lazy, and although I am thankful for the sunshine (even the rain we are getting this week to help my plants and also the drought situation), I do not want to do anything.   UUGGHH!  Frustrating.

I definitely feel like David asking why his soul is feeling so down and miserable.  I have no reason that I can put my finger on as yet.  I do know that when He is ready, He will pull me out of this, or show me my sin, my need for patience and endurance and to be satisfied with all conditions.   So, Lord, I will keep seeking You and asking You to remind me I see others who are worse off than I certainly am, and I can be a light and small gift to them.  I am sorry, Lord, for this doldrum period; I certainly recognize I have no earthly reason I can see for this–it actually makes me feel like a spoiled brat–and I do want to thank You.  You are steady, unchanging, full of love and grace and mercy, and I know in time You will guide me into feeling more like myself.  But if I have sinned or done something remiss, I want to know, to confess and repent, and pick up so I can serve Your wishes again.

Thank You, Lord.  No matter my state, Your continued reassuring presence is always with me and ‘mybellaviews.’