John 5:2-5 Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda, having five porches. In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. for an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had. Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty eight years. When Jesus saw hi lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”
The sick man answered, “Sir, I have no man too put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming another steps down before me.”
Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up you bed and walk.” And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed and walked.
December 19, 2016
I have not been very productive in any area of my life for this past year. Part of it was not feeling well with respiratory and severe rash issues, but the rest was a mind whining. I was certainly uncomfortable, but I was fraught with ‘wha-wha-wha.’ I drove myself crazy. And very little was accomplished. I seemed to tie all my energy into whining and very little into reading, studying the Bible, looking for a church, reaching out to friends, or anything positive. And I did NO writing.
Yes, a big part of the reason I didn’t write was having all my confidence flushed down the toilet. I was crushed by the harsh review my “friend” gave to my writing. I was tremendously hurt, and allowed myself to believe everything she marked—although she could not get my characters straight— no one else had that problem—she defeated me.
NO, NO, that is NOT correct. I ALLOWED myself to be defeated. I let myself be beat up emotionally. So why write, why try if I was lousy and my words would never see the light of day? And of course, then it fed into my confidence in all areas of life. So just WHAT are you doing in and with this blessed life you’ve been given? Oh, I gave the beast free reign in my life; I didn’t stop him with the promises in the word, I didn’t strike out with the Sword. How’d I slide so far away from all the nourishment I get from knwing God?
Physically, I was miserable. I was exhausted and unable to read without falling asleep. I slept about 16-18 hours each day, and when awake I was uncomfortable enough that I allowed my thoughts to be tied up with itching, scratching, and trying to relieve the discomfort. I should have read Job REPEATEDLY, turned into times when Paul was imprisoned and encourage other prisoners to sing praise and worship. But instead, I let my thoughts center around me and my discomforts.
And I was miserable. Physically miserable, frustrated with feeling badly, going to doctors and having NOTHING really done. My family and friends grew more and more concerned and worried. I wondered at times if I was going to die with the bouts of shortness of breath, and such weakness I couldn’t make it downstairs to my phone. It was scary. And I became more and more of a recluse at times.
And I hated it. I hated my lack. My lack of anything. Separated distance-wise from friends and family because of a choice made a while ago, now ill and becoming afraid, and frustrated and growing angry with the apparent lack of care and interest my docs were showing. Then, I had a lethargy toward all interests and abilities I’d always enjoyed; dancing, reading, writing. I had a severe and serious case of LACKA—lacka anything positive!
I ate and drank. Occasionally I balanced the checkbook. For shame. The Bible tells the story of a paralyzed man who had lain near the waters that would stir once yearly and the first person in would be healed. He whined “I have no one to help to the water.”
Jesus replied, “Get up!!”
That was me. I would scold GET UP, DO SOMETHING. And I would continue to lie around, feel bad, uncomfortable with the itching, short of breath, wheezy. Ashamed. I should have still gotten up and tried to do something, anything. Shame on me.
Anyway, presently I am a good deal better. Rarely am I having respiratory issues, and I have a couple areas of eczema, but not my full body in itchy blisters. (These blisters were like no eczema I had before, and although never fully diagnosed, the docs don’t feel it was all eczema then, but some auto immune disintegration!)
Most of my symptoms are gone and I feel much better. So I need to GET UP and resume writing. I still feel I have lost skill I thought I had, or I have come to realize I never had any. My mind and brain certainly feel empty of good ideas. It feels scary to write that; always I’ve had ideas for stories. Now nothing.
Writing has ALWAYS been an outlet for me. I have allowed someone to convince me I have no talent. But that’s the KEY—I have ALLOWED the belief. Therefore, in actuality, I have allowed Satan entrance to fill me with doubt, lies, lack of confidence and all sorts of other negative tales. But that is NOT what God created in me. He created a perfect being—perfect in His sight.
It’s time to GET UP. Yes, I need to find things that will help me. I need to get more active in my church, and I need to find places and ways to give of my talents and abilities here—volunteering or whatever, but I need to do something; something besides writing.
I’m glad I have a new year ahead in a few days. This was not a good one for me. But I have a wonderful, glistening future ahead, with many opportunities, and I am not going to spend the majority of my time on the couch dozing, or watching TV I’ve recorded. The first step is this moment.
It feels wonderful to reflect the awful past is behind me while I look ahead to a positive future for ‘mybellaviews.’
Matthew 6:25-27 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value that they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression. But a good word makes it glad.
I have SADD, seasonal affective depressive disorder. Thankfully, God has placed me in eastern NC instead of New England which is where I grew up. I knew winter was ALWAYS an issue for me. I enjoyed many winter sports such as skating and sledding and although I tried skiing a few times, I was totally unsuccessful. But I never liked the early dusk. Brrrr, it was getting dark by about 4 each afternoon–and looked fierce if we were due for snow. But there was always with an undercurrent feeling of unease, edginess, and I didn’t like the cold and dismal looks of naked trees and little color coming from nature.
I love flowers, green grass, blue sky and the lazy drift of the sun crossing the sky, signifying day’s end. It comes too fast in the winter when daylight says “good night” then rises briefly a few hours later.
I get depressed and don’t want to do much in the winter. But my symptoms seem to be less living here. The days are still short, but because of the location to the equator, they seem a bit longer than further north. And the temps can be cold, but are not as biting as in New England. And here bushes like some camellias can live, survive, and FLOWER in the winter.
As I’ve grown older, although much of nature may look like death; I’ve come to realize that it is a time for rest. And then comes the re-birth. So I am better. Better for the knowledge and the experiences, and have grown in knowing no matter the feelings of yuck which come to me at times, it is fleeting and will pass. So I tend to read more of His words and bask in His light.
My friends know I have issues with the winter season, so they tend to call a lot, check on me, and urge me to go out. Thank you, God for my friends, those living angels you’ve placed in my life.
I can appreciate more of the winter gifts of eastern North Carolina; warmer weather, slightly longer days, flowering shrubs, and the trees shed their leaves later than when they fall in New England. Although the colors are more vibrant in the north, the golds and maroons in this area last longer before floating to the ground. Because of the slower color transformation, longer days by a few minutes, and a warmer winter season, I do better here during the late Fall and winter months.
No longer do my thoughts get so depressed feeling like I will live in grayness forever. So, again, God, with all your wisdom, you have placed me in the best place for me to live. Thank you again for giving me such a blessed “bellaview” of the winter season. I feel so much better.
Genesis 1:24-25 Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth the living creature according to its kind: cattle and creeping thing and best of the earth, each according to its kind,” and it was so. And God made the beast of the earth according to its kind, cattle according to its kind, and everything that creeps on the earth according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.
I have always had a fondness for praying mantises. After researching them, imagine my surprise to find they are members of the roach (YUCK) family, as well as the females sometimes kill their mates by eating their heads off. But even with those negative tidbits learned, I find them graceful, quiet, helpful in a garden, and maybe because I rarely see them, even more special.
There are lots of things I enjoy and feel are blessings to my seeing eyes—cardinals, red-winged blackbirds, puppies, kittens, ocean and water, pretty trees, mountains, blue sky….my list is pretty lengthy. I feel so fortunate to have a long list of blessings. But, because I so very rarely seeing praying mantis bugs, they are too, a special blessing in my heart.
As a child, I kept one for a pet one summer. I called it ‘Thumbelina’ and ‘she’ (I have no idea if it was male or female), but she would ride my thumb each day as I played outside. When I had to go in, I’d place her back in the bush, and find her again the next time I was going out. This went on from late spring to early fall. After that summer, I never saw another for about 25 years. So because of that experience, praying mantis became important, special, to me. And God, of course, knew that. So, He’s only let e see them rarely.
So, after 25 years or so, as an adult, I was going through a period of life when I was making changes that would affect me and my son, as well as the man I was marrying and his children. “Is this the right decision, God? Please give me a sign.” And then…. there was a praying mantis that stayed around my front door stoop for several months—in fact until the end of December.
(Now, I rarely test God with “fleeces” or signs, but then I needed visual reassurance so ensure I avoided making more mistakes.) And isn’t it marvelous that God supplies what we need at the time we need it until we can grow away for the more child-like reassurances we require, or at least I required? “When I was a child I spoke like a child, I thought like a child….When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” 1 Corinthians 13:11.
This week, I saw either three separate praying mantises…or the same one three times. Again, it’s been many years since I’ve seen one. The sight of it immediately brought a smile and heartfelt thanks for the blessing of the brief visit. And I wondered what kind of neat blessing God has plans to deliver soon. It seems just like Him to show me something that is rare and precious to me…a blessing indeed, and maybe as a precursor to more.
I am so thankful for the many blessings in ‘mybellaviews.’
1 Peter 3:3-4 What matters is not your outer appearance…but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.
For the past several years, life interfered with my being able to travel to Europe to see different relatives I have in Ireland. Somehow, it didn’t seem as though it was more than thirty years since I’d seen them, but when the actual math was done, (yikes), it was. Busy working and raising my family, it was easy for the years to pass and not realize how long I had missed the privilege and blessing of visiting other family. It was a pang and a “loss” realizing how much time passed since we shared the camaraderie of reminiscing about former family times.
And I was struck by how much I missed during that time, how much they missed, and how important continuing to be in touch is. Obviously, we’d all gotten older, but we missed our extended families getting to know each other–our children did not know one another. It felt sad in many ways that so much time had been lost when we missed out sharing special events of one another, how lives were progressing and changing, and growing. But it was rich reconnecting.
Life is so special with folks who sometimes are related through blood, and other times related through ideas, values or beliefs. But people enrich our lives, and often times are huge blessings; this is a toast to those relatives and friends of mine who have blessed my life. 
A lot of what made this trip so special was sharing the memories and genuine love these folks had for my parents. My parents had made wonderful memories with these relatives—sometimes humorous, sometimes, deeply touching, but it was an overwhelming feeling of love they shared for my parents.
Sadly, so much time has gone by. But now, I have initiated the trips again, and it is important for me to continue seeing them every couple of years. My children are now adults, and they have never been to Ireland. It is time they get introduced to the homeland, to the relatives who live there, and experience the Irish culture. Yes, they have met the relatives who have come for a visit…but not the same. They need to feel who their grandparents were from the relatives who knew them from the early 1950’s until their deaths.
I am so thankful I resumed getting to know them again. They are a blessing to mybellaviews
1 Peter 3:2-4 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. do not let your adornment be merely outward–arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel–rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
Proverbs 11: 16-20 A gracious woman retains honor, but the ruthless men retain riches. The merciful man does good for his own soul, but he who is cruel troubles his own flesh. The wicked man does deceptive work, but he who sows righteousness will have a sure reward. As righteousness leads to life, so he who pursues evil pursues it to his own death. Those who are of a perverse heart are an abomination to the Lord, but the blameless in their ways are His delight.
I tend to be a people watcher. I observe people at the grocery store, parking lots, church, doctor offices, airports and wherever else I happen to find myself with several others and have time to watch. Sometimes I feel dismayed by what I see. It saddens my heart to see some act with an arrogance, a haughtiness and a seeming belief that it is okay to act disrespectful, rude or mean to others. But on the other side, it gladdens my heart to see others act in a kind and loving manner to another; a true smile, a warm thank you, or perhaps a caring touch.
Watching behaviors can sometimes be a benefit. Sometimes, it helps to see how a person misbehaves to you realize you do not want to act like that. Some folks are rude, obnoxious, others patient, gracious and kind…. Which behavior do you want to emulate? It is a choice. There are some who feel entitled to treat others unkind. Do they believe they are better than others? Or are they bullies, and maybe living the arrogant and unkind manner in which they grew up?
There is such a warmth, kindness, and love that flows from those who treat others in a manner that shows respect, empathy, and gentleness. Oh right! That is how Jesus treated the people.
Sometimes I see a tired young mother who is frazzled with her children, sometimes it is someone who is in a hurry and impatient to be away from wherever we are, some are ‘self-important’ and let others know they are ‘too important’ to have to wait. They show more of their crass manners, their impatience, their ‘self-importance.’ When I see this, I’m abruptly reminded I don’t want to be rude, selfish and self-important. I don’t want to act like that. No stylish clothing or outward manifestation of beauty can hide rudeness, unkind behavior and an unattractive heart.
Other times, when I see someone loving and gracious, I know (and hope) I strive to act more like they do—being a blessing, acting in a Christ-like manner to others. It enriches your heart to see the love others have and share toward others. I am so touched seeing folks who are lovely and gracious, waiting patiently for their turn to be helped.
It is watching these calm, gracious folks which holds my attention, mostly because of admiration. I don’t believe they are not as busy as several others in the waiting room, that they have less to do, not as many places to go to that day. But they seem to be loving people who have realized it is far more pleasant to be among others with grace, patience and courtesy. This gains them gratitude from others as well as appreciation.
And for me at least, I want to emulate them, to strive to be more gracious and pleasant to others. This is all part of the last commandment Jesus left with his disciples; to love one another as you love yourselves….to treat others in the manner you want to be treated.
This is how I attempt to behave, from mybellaviews.
Hi, I'm Kathy. Welcome to my website!