Handing it Over
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, old things have passed away; behold all things have become new.
Over the years, I have grown into someone different, much different than the young woman who knew little at 21, who was responsible for herself and a six month old baby, and leaving a marriage—after believing marriage was forever, or at least until death do we part. . .
But instead, I was the first in my family to divorce. I’d been abused verbally, emotionally, and physically and was full of doubt, fear, mistrust and uncertainty. SCARED. I had reasons to be frightened and unsure, but not mistrustful. Amazing what listening to lies can do, and how you can mistrust everything you knew to be true, and now be unsure of everything. It’s a type of brainwashing and Satan has it perfected. He certainly knows how to whisper and taunt you with lies.
But that’s who I became for several years. It took me a while to get on my feet, to move ahead. And I moved ahead with the love and support of my family and a few very dear friends. But it was a tough time for those who supported me. I didn’t believe enough at the time that God truly cared about ME. My attitude had become one of being unlovable, deserving to be punished, not bright, and of course I took on the shame of d -i-v-o-r-c-e.
When I got to the next phase, I was able to instill hard work into my son. He saw me going to school full time while also working full time. Thankfully, I again had family to help during the times he was out of school and needed a caregiver. Time just ran together, and by then I had a closer relationship with God. Not to say I was not still trying to be in control. After all, I was a PARENT: I had a child to support, I was a fulltime STUDENT and had assignments t complete. I was the only wage earner, so had to ensure our household ran smoothly and easily. After all I was responsible for our future. I had to be in charge, on top of things.
So I prayed and worshiped, but worried and feared for our future, for my decisions. So, please note the number of times “I” and “me” were in control. I didn’t believe God would really step in to ‘help a wretch like me.’ I was undeserving, and could not really grasp His mercy and grace.
It took years before I turned control of my life and entrusted my kids to God. And what a relief it was! Immediately, the pressure and stress lessened. Did it try to creep back into my thoughts and increase stress? Yes, frequently in the beginning. After all, Satan hates not having you in a tizzy, stressed, doubtful, and miserable.
Later, I married again to a wonderful man who had two teens of his own. We both prayed about this—was it right to join us all together, was this God’s will? Yes, it seemed to be. We trusted what He seemed to say. We married with three teens! And it worked! We are FAMILY, a close family. Somehow, the drama of combining three teens with two parents instead of a single one, and moving to a new area worked for us. We believe it was a God blessed adventure. The rightness of His will.
And now, the children are grown, know and understand hard work and are instilling those values in their own children. I am looking back and am thankful. I have learned to hand over all to God, and to thank Him, and I feel at peace with life. It is satisfying that with the struggles of the past, I have learned to trust Him, to turn to Him, and to try to determine His will for my life. I am no longer trying to impose my will in life, but trusting His word which promises His guidance and “light under my feet.”
It’s made ‘mybellaviews’ so much more peaceful. Thank You, God
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