More on Patience

Luke 8:15  But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit  with patience.

James 1:2,3  My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

I write a lot about patience. I’m sure the reason is because this is the area I can see has improved the most over the past several years. Thankfully, I’ve learned to develop more, or God has guided my path to learn how to develop more.  It’s certainly been a long time developing more, and the road was not always smooth, but I can see the progress finally.

Patience is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. I need help with many of the fruits, but patience affected so much of my life, and of course because it affected mine, it would therefore affect my husband and children and sometimes friends. My impatience could lead to anger, then dreadful words spewing from me, and so on. Yikes. When I finally realized how awful this affected my life, I tried to curb it.

I was not able to rein in my patience on my own, and finally realized my impatience and so forth was part of a deeper problem.  Aw-oh. Now delving deeper to find the cause of my anger, frustration, angst, I realized, ‘I am selfish and self-centered. I think life is all about me.’

Really? All about me? How so, and why for goodness sake? Great to finally come to realize that yes, God has made me unique, but not necessarily good. I guess I had never felt incredibly good, but did not truly see myself as selfish. How eye opening to realize this is my base!

Wow.  Yes, it was often I thought about me, and how things affected me, and what I wanted, and my time, and my goals…..When I broke it down after seeing other very selfish, self-centered people, it was shaming. Oh no, I truly behave like that?!

Then heartfelt pleas to please help me change, please correct my behavior, please give me a sharp kick to the head whenever I am acting or behaving in a selfish manner. Let me know immediately before I act a selfish manner, or immediately correct me before I follow through with my plans for my time, for me pleasure.

Often times, I would get the faintest whisper, a trace, a fleeting hint I was again being selfish. I wonder how often I discarded the gentle reminder that I was acting in a way to ensure I got what I wanted.

When I would ignore the prodding I would feel so disappointed in myself, so flawed, so unworthy to have Jesus die for ME.  But the fact is He did choose to die for me, for you, and for all of us. He chose to do this so we could learn more about love, forgiveness, patience, kindness, gentleness and freedom from sin. And to realize although we will never be sinless, He is pleased with our advancement and our improvement toward being a follower, and one who will hold out a hand to help others learn about His love and death to save us.

I am thankful that He died for me, and I am beginning to grow in my walk and love journey with Him. He is ‘mybellaviews.’