So Grateful

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Deuteronomy 8:2     Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart.

Deuteronomy 32:10     He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of the wilderness; he encircled him, he cared for him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.

Psalm 34:1     I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.

Psalm 52:8-9     But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God, I will always trust in God’s unfailing love.  I will praise you forever, O God, for what you have done.  I will trust in your good name in the presence of your faithful people.

Isaiah 43:2-3     When you pass through the waters, I will be with you: and through the rivers, they shall not overthrow you.

Isaiah 43:19     Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Romans 5:3-5     . . . we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Philippians 4:4-8     Always be full of joy in the LORD, I say it again–rejoice!  Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do.  Remember, the LORD is coming soon.  Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18     Always be joyful.  Never stop praying.  Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

James 1:2-4     Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.

 

Many know I have had an unexpected detour which has required moving about on an unpaved road with several ruts and fears about “bottoming out” my chassis!  In fact my chassis met the dining room floor with a resounding smack, and required a change of my independent, ‘come and go’ lifestyle.  As I was reading a devotional on the book of Daniel, I wondered if I was possibly as arrogant and prideful as King Nebuchadnezzar, and this was going to be a time of great humility.  So thankful, not eating grass, sleeping under the dew and stars, sweltering in the heat with flies, fleas, and other yucky crawling things, but definitely a humbling time to walk or relearn to walk with walker and other aids.

But, it has also been a time of being thankful, and recognizing how rich my life is–because He has blessed me.  Then, in itself is humbling to recognize the number of folks who are saying prayers and checking in on recovery, offering to help in whatever manner they can, and to pick up the phone and send a note or a phone call, or mailing a lovely card with hand written notes and prayers for recovery.   I wondered how often I really made much of a difference; but this “crash” has made me realize I apparently do, and in turn people reach out, and have said how much I am appreciated in THEIR eyes.  What a wonderful feeling!  One wants to make a positive difference to others, but I think wonder if they truly do.

And yet, I have a bunch of folks who have made a difference in my life–some wonderful people.  Two of my grandparents made a huge impact, even if one of them was only until I was 11 years old, but my parents, my parents, a couple of nursing supervisors who tried to encourage me into management–which I never felt comfortable attempting.   I liked, still like, hands on whether it be mothering, nursing, volunteering for different areas I know am good at doing.  Others bless me with their out-going personality as I am much more introverted and lack the confidence to initiate a conversation.  But God has placed me in areas where I do have some skill and comfort and has tended my growth and development much like I tend my gardens and flower beds.   He has placed opportunities in my path and by saying yes, I have grown in confidence in that area of serving.   Better late than never!

But I only had one other serious accident in my life, other than this chassis adventure.  The first was breaking my shoulder, again doing an activity and making a foolish decision.  Because that was my right arm–and I had joked, although firmly believed, my left hand would not have a clue as to how to act if something happened to my right.  The left had just been a support–maybe to hold the handle of a pan while I did whatever with the right; to just supported a vial so the right could use the syringe and withdraw a medication, or whatever.  My left was never in charge.   Then, the good LORD had me make a foolish decision causing the break of the right shoulder.   NOTHING worked.  Fingers did not flex, without my sling, the entire arm hung useless, and I had to learn to dress the right arm with the left maneuvering the clothing into proper order, the left had to “learn” to eat with a fork, sign my name, stir and take pots off the stove, bathe myself, even wash my hair with the left and then rinse and towel dry it.  That too, was entirely humbling.  And I was afraid.  It was a couple months before the nerves reconnected and I could wriggle the fingers of right hand, when out of the sling for short periods, the appendage had minimal movement.  How was I ever to get back to nursing?  Would I ever be able to?

Once outpatient PT started for my arm, I was set before this large metal ring hanging on a wall with many spokes.  The idea was to hold a spoke and make the entire wheel go around while you held on, stretching the muscles, tendons and so forth.  Initially, there was no way.  So I cheated, I could start about 10 o’clock, make it almost to quarter of, then would tap the wheel so it spun and would meet it at the 10 o’clock area again.  Eventually, cheating or not, I regained that range of motion.  

When my body thwacked against the dining floor, I knew I’d broken something.  No question in my mind.  The sensation, although a totally different area, was an immediate flashback to breaking the shoulder.  Testing revealed a couple of fractures in the pelvis and one in my lower back, and was told it would be a 6-12 week recovery.  ‘Oh, no, LORD, that is too long.  I have things I am committed to doing, and need to be well before then.’

Thankfully, I had great knowledgeable caretakers, and as I write this, it is just a day shy of the 4 week mark for that “crash.”  I am amazed at the progress–and truly it is the LORD’s healing more than my work.  But I am willing to work, but the knitting of these bones back into place and the speed it is occurring all is thanks to Him.  My neighbors and family know I am anxious to get home and see my pets–even if just for a few hours.  But, the neighbors arranged me to stay at their home–they have an indoor elevator–and we will hopefully do a firepit in the driveway of one of their homes–and get the 14 of us or so together.

So, this has been humbling, but I cannot state how grateful I am.  This could have been a lot worse–head injury, more than one vertebra broken, maybe even with paralysis, but instead God used it to remind me of all the wonderful people, family and friends are in my life.  And, I think to urge me to be able to share my testimony–for those who know my introverted shyness, yes, the idea is causing me to shake.  But doesn’t the Word say “do not fear for I am with you?” Repeatedly?  And although I have never counted, I have heard over 300 times it is in the Word, and have also read 365–one for each day of the year.

I believe this experience has been a time of testing, spiritual preparation, and showing me more of God’s provisions.  

I have also read that shyness is a bit self-centered.  One is wondering too much about their presentation, appearance, how they will be judged and if anyone will care what they say, and it becomes a “me, me,  me” thought process.  So, maybe He is encouraging the next phase of my journey with Him.  After all He has done for me, how can I let a little thing like publicly giving Him praise to stop me from sharing my testimony of healing and growth?  

Lord, you have always given me great and wonderful love.  I did not always recognize it–like many other selfish folks, thought it was my due.  But you chose me and have shown me a different way to think and live.  You have steered me away from much of my selfishness, guided me and ‘mybellaviews.’